Being A Truly Good Listener

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” – Anonymous

Honestly, being a good listener is one of my resolutions in 2020. As we know, there have been so many books published to improve us to become “The Great Public Speaker”. Ironically, we rarely find the self-improvement books talking about how to become “The Great Listener”. In a world that can’t stop talking, everyone is trying to show off their ideas, attracting a lot of attention from the society and becoming a center of attention. Of course, there is no right and wrong in this issue. Everyone has their own right to speak up. However, this listening skill is also far more important that will help us to act and becoming more human. There is still few of people out there who might aware of it.

In fact, listening is something we have very reluctant to do, it might not because of our laziness and our selfishness, but it is mostly because there is no figure who taught and accustomed this habit for us even the one who give us example by behaving like that for us and listening our story very well. So that, as an individuals, we come to this harsh adult world with arrogance to continue speaking rather than giving generosity to listen others. We missed the meetings with friends, but it is simply not because we want to listen but to compare ourselves, getting more attention and sympathy from others. As a result, our social relation becomes a feeding ground for our selfishness.

I am the one who aware of how difficult it is becoming a good listener and I often fail to implement and train myself to be a good listener so far. The failure of romantic relationships in the past and the big challenges to build the romantic relationship today may affect a form of non-functioning communication, both listening and speaking. However sharing itself is the basic need of every human in this world. As simple as the words, “Go on …” and the question “Why did that particularly bother you?” and “Why was such a big thing for your?” will actually make a large impact and providing a sense of comfort in a personal relationship. Being a listener means being a good friend. Listening means making a story from another person to be stored in our minds while we responding to what someone else has said. So that it feels like a deep connection or creating bond.

There are several views from some sources that I am looking for in realizing my 2020 resolution. Really, listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to be a good society. That’s why I am looking for various definition of being a good listener and the activity itself. From Indonesian Dictionary, the word of hearing means to catch a voice or sound through the ear. The synonym of the word “to hear” is listening or paying attention. Moreover, The School of Life also explains that a good listeners certainly do their listening activities properly, using the clarification of what they hear. Right, it might be super easy to just say, “I feel like…” or “I feel hurt if …” or “I’m afraid of…” but we rarely do the appropriate feedback in order to explore why do we feel that feeling.

By listening others well, we will help others to be more focused on what makes them feel that way. Even though being a good listener, we don’t try to moralize and don’t judge others by their story, in contrast we are really aware that each of us has a bad side. Being a good listener means we are able to give a positive response. Good listeners know exactly how to understand the issue of someone’s life is to genuinely listen it through their speaking. They are able to learn through other’s stories. More importantly, a good listener have the ability to find their own part in other’s speaking. They are able to take a lesson. So, the listening job is not a compulsive and becoming a tired routine anymore but for a good listener it becomes the most interesting part of the conversation that we can do.

In conclusion, the needs of telling stories is related to how much we are worry about this world when we as individuals are no longer able to be honest with ourselves that we are so depressed, feeling so sad, or inadequate. Of course, in this condition as a human being, we really need the kindness and warmth of someone else who is willing to reach out and to hear our story. For that, listen up…. Listen to our beloved ones, listen to their stories, find yourself in their speaking and words. Really, listening deserves a discovery as one of the keys to be a good society.

Love, Raysa

 

1 thought on “Being A Truly Good Listener”

  1. Asignifying rupture

    When somebody plays music, you listen. you just follow those sounds, and eventually you understand the music. The point can’t be explained in words because music is not words, but after listening for a while, you understand the point of it, and that point is the music itself. in exactly the same way, you can listen to all experiences.

    – Alan Watts

    I think the point of listening are neither to know nor to respond. The point of listening is to delve into the speaker’s experience, even it is veiled by the limitation of language. Nonetheless, great article!

    Note: I think being a good listener is not a goal, it is simply your willingness to embrace the humane side of human beings.

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